BLAME CANADA AGAIN, EH

I did not grow up in Canada, but I was born there and love the country. It is a spectacular nation that embraces entrepreneurial endeavours without sacrificing compassion. Every day, I hope for a supporting series role that films in Vancouver… it’s California with the colour green… and full of my fellow Californians, for that matter. It is my American wife’s favourite place, and it doesn’t suffer the winter weather of the rest of Canada.

An infotainment jockey on FOX recently commented that he wants to invade Canada simply because they do not wish to be part of America. With the Breton Woods agreement now dead, countries are free to invade other countries for mere territorial gain, and if one succeeds, it is the sin of the country that did not take care of its own defence. I’m that kid who read history books when others read comics. We’ve been here before. America is in a cultural civil war. Just as one of Lincoln’s generals proposed an invasion of Canada, President Trump understands that the best way to heal a fractured people is to create an enemy beyond its borders. Anyone see the comedy movie, CANADIAN BACON? John Candy and Alan Alda are hilarious. But, that’s not the whole story. I’m tired of people promoting the myth that Trump is an idiot. He clearly has no ability to empathise with others, but he is the most brilliant politician of this century, unburdened by the inconvenience of truth. He understands the environmental degradation that awaits America, even while he knows he must deny it and foster resentment against climate science to obtain votes from his base. That box of pasta in your cupboard? Canadian wheat. That gasoline in your tank? It’s a 50/50 chance the oil came from Canada. Your aquifers are drying up? Canada has 10% of the earth’s fresh water. Just as economic migrants are moving north, so too will climate migrants need to move north as the century progresses.

As one of my dearest friends, a former US Navy commander, said to me, “Canadian defence is American defence.” NORAD is Canadian-American; it is the only binational military command in the world. Canada and America’s military and intelligence operations are integrated. How does one defend one’s country against one’s own forces? See the conundrum? At the end of WWII, Britain was bankrupt, and Canada had one of the largest armed forces on the planet. America calmed the west, saying we wrote the rules and will now insure them. The Pax Britannica would simply become The Pax Americana, and Britain and Canada fell into line, secure in the knowledge that their favourite family member was now in charge. What could go wrong? I have believed my whole life that America should lead the world. Leadership does require offering a protective embrace. It saddens me that Americans as a whole no longer covet that responsibility, but I respect the choice.

Canadians buy more products from America than any other country. Previous American administrations wisely decided it was better to buy grain, oil, and lumber from its resource-rich sister to the north, who shares its own values, rather than deal with enemy countries. Look at Germany having to buy Russian gas from their former oppressors! Canadians make, on average, a few thousand less dollars a year than Americans. That doesn’t exactly sound like taking advantage of America. Far from it… Canada sent water bombers and hundreds of firefighters south to fight the LA wildfires.

I do hope Canada holds onto its sovereignty. It is a beacon of peaceful coexistence in a troubled world. Yet now Trump has made it clear to the wealthy who control world events – at Davos – that he wants a new penthouse. He knows that no nation is more successful in the business of invading than the U.S… but that it is also abysmal at maintaining control over conquered lands. Of course the war would need to be an economic one with a bizarre outcome that upholds the appearance of self-determination. The American Congress is an astoundingly feckless body that is supposedly in charge of war, but almost always acquiesces to the president. Though, the northern governors and provincial premiers do hold each other close. The time may come, due to climate stresses, that the two countries could merge in some way or fashion. Alas, with the addition of so many left-of-centre voters and provinces, the Republican Party would very suddenly cease to wield any power. It would be their Brexit; an unprecedented act of self-harm. And who knows, maybe both countries together could one day rewrite out-of-date systems that have led to the biggest threat to societal cohesion since the 1860s. A non-partisan head-of-state, who doesn’t deploy his particular left or right culture warriors to wreak havoc every four years, would be a start. Oh, wait… Canada already has that.