DadHollywood’s TOP 10 PREDICTIONS FOR 2025

NO. 1

The day after Trump’s inauguration, Nancy Pelosi throws her hat into the ring for the 2028 Democratic nomination, proclaiming she represents a new era of change.

NO. 2

Trump offers Putin permanent control of either the Donbas or of Crimea in return for ending the Ukraine War. Putin refuses to sacrifice either land grab. Trump gives Zelensky everything he asks for. In retaliation, Putin prepares to launch an attack on the mainland United States. North Korea offers to help, in return for being given Hawaii when Russia wins. Unbeknownst to Putin, British hackers have remotely shut down the entire Russian and North Korean missile systems. When the Hollywood movie is made three weeks later, the hackers are portrayed as Americans. Meryl Streep plays Putin.

NO. 3

RFK Jr. has Ozempic withdrawn from the U.S. market and replaced with doctor-supervised tapeworms. Trump offers a pardon to any Jan 6th insurrectionist who volunteers to join the trials for this revolutionary new weight-loss treatment.

NO. 4

The BBC asks Joe Biden for the honour of conducting his first post-presidency interview. He refuses because he is ‘Irish’, and, instead, RTE is awarded the privilege. A St. Patrick’s Day airing is promised. After much public clamour, a FATHER TED repeat is broadcast in its stead. When American media outlets complain about the slight, the Irish offer up a collective, “Feck off!”

NO. 5

To facilitate a UK-USA free trade deal, King Charles III offers Trump a knighthood, which he gladly accepts. Elon Musk expresses his great displeasure at being left out. Sir Keir Starmer appoints him head of the British Civil Service, where all his dreams are permanently delayed by enthusiastic subordinates keen to conduct extensive studies of his plans. After analyasing one too many conflicting reports, Elon suffers a ‘psychological episode’ and is reassigned to a planning permission office in Swansea.

NO. 6

Disney cancels DOCTOR WHO, returning the rights solely to the BBC. Describing The Doctor as a breath of fresh air, a Disney executive explains further that Americans are still holding their breath on the space-faring time lord. He goes on to reveal that they are replacing The Doctor with a hero who exudes an equally distinguished pedigree. The exec is unable to reveal too much but will say that the hero will be one of either two things: unbelievably good-looking with an unlimited bank account and low self-esteem, or the hero will dress only in earth tones and wander a dusty planet searching for reasons to love himself again after a lifetime of wasted effort spent. Disney is still debating titles, but is seriously considering THE DEMOCRAT.

NO. 7

Justin Trudeau is finally forced out of office by his own party. Taking over as head of the Liberal Party and becoming the next Canadian prime minister, is Ryan Reynolds. His first act as PM is to charmingly push through a bill in Parliament that requires all MPs to use his mobile phone company. Trump expresses much admiration for Ryan’s business acumen, and a new dawn is heralded in Canada-USA relations. Trudeau joins the panel of THE VOICE CANADA.

NO. 8

In America, the three big terrestrial television networks continue to suffer the slings and arrows lobbed at them by superior streamer content. NBC, ABC, and CBS decide to save money by airing exclusively vintage programming produced from 1970 to 2000. No one notices until the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade features a call-in from President Ronald Reagan.

NO. 9

Harry and Meghan present the Royal Family with a 12-point Apology Plan, designed to give The King and Prince of Wales the opportunity to be forgiven by the Duke and Duchess of Sussex. Netflix covers each point in a 12-part docudrama. When a Netflix executive is questioned about the reasoning behind the decision to produce the series, she replies, “Well, I figured, why the f*&$ not? I mean, it’s not like anyone will be watching Netflix once MAX comes out with the new HARRY POTTER series.”

NO. 10

Donald Trump has a cast made of JD Vance’s balls, which are then turned into a bronze door knocker at The White House, replacing the brass shamrock knocker Joe Biden employed for four years.