THE SUTTON HOO OF 3621 C.E.

In the post-GSF (Great Solar Flare) era, little was remembered of the period when humans were trapped in their corporeal existence. In the year 2343, the first human consciousness was uploaded to the universal matrix, along with their German shepherd – Siamese cat mix pet. By the end of that century, death had been consigned to the status of hayfever. The planet became one giant, integrated database of knowledge and adventure, with human minds traveling across the galaxy on light beams, unencumbered by fragile and temporary flesh and bone.

Then in 2874, the Sun ejected an amount of plasma equal to ten Jupiters. Without warning, billions of minds were erased from their housing in the great silicon deposits of Australia and North Africa. The connection to humanity’s past was forever lost.

Fast forward to 3621, and the matrix has been upgraded with water-based memory impervious to the whims of stars. Society has been rebuilt, and thoughts of 16 centuries previous are based once again on the conjecture of scholars. Until…

A repository was uncovered in the Angels wastelands: a humidity-controlled vault that belonged to something referred to as a ‘commercial production company’. Most of the vault’s contents have degraded. Yet the digital imprint of several moving images were discovered on a disc labeled ‘Pharmaceutical Demo’.

From these images, anthropologists have deduced that humans of the 21st Century began each day with a spiritually-enlightened movement exercise in their local green spaces. This was known as tai chi. The ritual was followed by a ride over countryside in a floating dirigible, during which these ancient peoples consumed a beverage that produced its own gas. The gas escaped before consumption via rising effervescence. One can only assume this was some sort of religious observance. The day was ended by everyone returning to the green gathering place in order to pretend to be characters in a story imparting a communal wisdom. The ‘actors’ performed on a platform under trees hung with strings of incandescent lighting.

The texts that appear over the end of the moving images are related to ancient Latin runes found on the continent of Europe. They appear to refer to a drug, indicating that humans of the 21st Century either had the ability to fix or regrow failing organs.

Said Elder Erasmus today, “I am astonished. These humans were compassionate and erudite. This discovery moves the ‘Holistic Epiphany’ back 150 years… perhaps more. They were certainly not lazy, selfish, uneducated bastards.”

(As imagined by DadHollywood.)