A NEW DAWN FOR BI-PARTISANSHIP

Red State senator, Roonis Blasby, was escorting his underage woman intern home from a medical procedure in California when he checked them both into an airport lounge. A perk on his platinum status credit card. “The place was full of screaming babies and twenty-somethings in vulgar tee-shirts,” Blasby complained. “We left. I sprang for an airport hotel room. For my companion’s comfort, of course.”

That was the beginning of what would become the most bi-partisan push by Democratic and Republican lawmakers in the age of Trump.

“What we are concerned with,” lectured Blue State congresswoman Wilhelmina Borka, “is that servants of the public good are being forced to consort with the public, when they could be spending quiet working time on their phones and laptops to push through the legislation of lobbyists that will make the lives of millions of American workers a different experience.”

Over the course of the past five years, enticing perks like car sharing credits, rebates for streaming platform subscriptions and access to airport lounges (which include full bars and buffet breakfasts and lunches) have become the standard rather than an exception reserved for the elite. This has frequent flyer professionals tripping over the legs of backpackers on their way to the refrigerator full of Canada Dry.

Now legislation is to be introduced by Ms. Borka and supported in the upper chamber by Mr. Blasby (pending an ethics investigation), that will put a minimum income cap on who qualifies for gold, platinum or carbon credit cards.

When asked if they would also be looking into caps on rising prescription prices, Ms. Borka replied, “We don’t wish to muddy the waters.”

(As imagined by DadHollywood.)