CALEXIT

To all those contemplating voting for Calexit…I wish to propose you take things a step further by making me your king. I believe I offer something for everyone, from progressives to moderates to conservatives.

I believe the greatest threat that faces our world is climate change, and I will do everything in my power to ensure my child and your children are protected from suffering in the Kingdom of California’s future. Food and water security are paramount. It’s not an ideological issue…merely a survival one. I am a good Anglo-Catholic boy who believes that life begins at conception, but I also believe in cradle to grave welfare, universal healthcare and a universal income for all. I also believe that marriage equality is the best decision upheld by the supreme court this generation, and I would do away with the death penalty, which is a drain on public resources and has proven not to be a deterrent. I don’t believe in putting children in cages, though my daughter could certainly use one from time to time. I think conservatives should get the damn wall. It will just result in tunnels, but then you liberals can say, “I told you so.” See…something for everyone. I would decriminalize drugs and tax the hell out of them…thus providing the state with an abundance of income and emptying the jails of non-violent offenders. I believe in a mandated quota for representation that looks like the population of California. I’m a free trader. Anyone who does not institute tariffs against us, I won’t institute tariffs against them. No exceptions for any industry. Controversial, but look at the mess we’re in now. Firearms would be perfectly legal to those who apply for a license and pass a: background check, mental health analysis, and gun safety training. Lobbyists from any industry would be banned from the electoral and legislative process. Every citizen would be required to vote in elections…how else can an election truly reflect the will of the people?