THE SILLY SEASON

To My Dear Former Colonists,

We feel compelled to write you today after viewing both of your political party presentations, where so many individuals dressed in vibrant olive green spoke about what their party would be stopped from doing by an uncooperative legislative branch should their party ascend to The White House.

My… so many thoughts. First of all, let me applaud you on your resilience as a nation. Through it all… military adventurism in the Far East, the Star Wars prequels, New Coke… you have held the flame of democracy high to guide others towards the rocks. Many say if it were not for America, my country would be speaking German today. I would argue many of my subjects have but a tenuous grasp of the English language, so picking up a second language because of a mere conquest seems unlikely. But I digress.

The conventions certainly were enlightening, yet to those who painted a man who cages children as a devout Christian, I must say, you’re bat shit crazy on a new level. As for those snowflakes on the other side of the aisle who think someone stating an opinion opposite to their own is the equivalent to being smothered with a pillow in the middle of the night… well, my staff will happily provide the pillow.

I must run now. I have just learned that FLASH GORDON is available to rent on Amazon Prime. I recently gave up my television set when the BBC decided not to renew TV licence fee exemptions for OAPs. So, I’m watching it on my smartphone, which Boris has hooked up to a wall projector I could fit into my pocket. Remarkable. So clever these young ones.

I leave you with this… my first prime minister, Sir Winston Churchill, once said, “You can count on Americans to do the right thing – after they’ve tried everything else.” Here’s to another season of “everything else”.

Yours,

Elizabeth Regina

(As imagined by DadHollywood.)